things of little relevance


perspective
December 13, 2008, 5:30 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I thought it was scary when I heard a high-pitched noise coming from Hamilton and when I asked people around me, “Do you hear that too?” Their responses varied from a slow and hesitant “No…” to quizzical glances.

It’s even more scary when I feel the table in the library shaking and I look under the desk and the legs of the guy next to me are still, then I look at myself and I’m not unconsciously shaking. I place my palms on the table, and yup, it’s definitely quavering. So I ask the guy next to me, “Do you feel the table shaking?” And he gives me a weird look, shakes his head, puts his headphones back in, and resituate himself a little further from me.

So I probably am going insane.

On a different, but just as depressing note—I’ve been working since 11am yesterday on this Renaissance paper. I’ve not made any progress. In fact, I’m just as confused if not more. Maybe I should stop describing myself as a slow writer and slow thinker and just accept that I’m not very intelligent, but I’m diligent, but diligence has its limits.

On the “bright” side:

Strangers have been soliciting me in Butler. Two days ago it was an e-mail address crumpled on my desk. When I was looking at it, my seat partner tapped me and told me, “I think a friend left that for you.” To which I responded, “I don’t have a friend.”

And tonight—there were two! One random introduced himself and said, “Oh I see you in Butler all the time. I figure it’s time to introduce ourselves.” I almost kept walking, but stopped out of social niceties. Essentially, I stood there looking glum and dumb. Keep in mind I had never seen him before. He then introduced himself and gave a short spiel about his reasons for being at Columbia and Butler at 3 am on a Friday night. I revealed my first name. He didn’t really seem to get my curtness and then gave me his number, “Let’s see each other outside of this place (insinuating the library) some time.” The whole time I was thinking, “I would love to see you outside of Butler but not on purpose. Because to see you outside of Butler would entail me not being in Butler. And for right now, that’s just a lovely fantasy.”

Around 3:30 am, I was walking back into reference. Random #2 stops me and says some variation on the first guy’s opener. He also looked unfamiliar. Then he suggests, “1020 is still open for a bit, would you be up for a nightcap?” I politely declined on account of paper-writing, but in my head I was thinking, “I know exactly what a nightcap implies, I’ve learned from experience [obviously not writing my Montaigne paper]. And no siree, I am definitely not up for that.” 1020 is not worth thinking about. Then he asked if I’d be free after finals, and I told him I was going home. Not easily discouraged, he wrote down his number and when he handed it to me, he said, “For next semester,” accompanied by a wink.

I would/should have said I had a “partner.” But to be honest, no one in a relationship is still in Butler on a Friday night after 3 am. Most decent souls are not there at that time.

Moral of the story: Recognition is rarely ever mutual.

Second moral of the story: Lucy is miserable.

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